Bridezillas, Boobs and Babies

“When the whole world is crazy, it doesn’t pay to be sane.”  – Terry Goodkind, The Pillars of Creation

Bridezilla, Queen of the Monsters!
I was listening to the radio yesterday morning driving into town and the radio station asked for listeners to call in with their favorite “Bridezilla” stories.  Several guys called in talking about how crazy their fiancée  has become and provided some details.

Okay, I get it.  For a bride, her wedding day is important.

I’m tired of the excuses, though.  “This is the day every little girl has dreamed about since she before she could walk.  In fact, we found where she had drawn a sketch of a gown and flower arrangement on the placenta while she was in the womb!”

Sorry.  If you’re a bitch, you’re a bitch.

What I really don’t get though, are the men who tell these stories.  Seriously, bro… you’re going to marry her?  If she’s going to be a psychotic, narcissistic toddler and make everyone’s lives miserable if anyone ruins her “perfect day”, what the heck do you think is going to happen when you can’t decide whether to spend Christmas with your family or hers?  Or when she wants that new car and you say you can’t afford it?  Or, God forbid, she gets pregnant?

If you’ve got a “Bridezilla” on your hands, the miserable life you’re going to have is your own fault, so don’t complain later, idiot.  Do us all a favor and dump her now so you’re not needlessly inflating divorce statistics later.

I ❤ Boobs!
My beautiful lady and I had a conversation a couple of days ago about plastic surgery.  Of course, the topic of breast enhancement came up.  She asked for my opinion and I told her.

I truly couldn’t care less about it.

I think there’s a wide gap between what women believe men think about breast implants and what men actually think.  I think if you ask an average woman about how men feel about breast implants, I think they believe we think like this:

“Man.  Look at that woman over there.  She has amazing breasts… got to be at least a C-cup.  And look how firm and perky they look.  In fact, those beauties make up for all of those warts on her chin.  I wish my girlfriend/wife/cousin (for those of you in Arkansas) had breasts like that.  Dang.  I really, really wish she’d get her breasts enlarged… that would make our sex life so much better.  In fact, I think I’d love her more and our relationship would be healthier and more fulfilling.”

Here’s what the average guy actually thinks:  “Nice boobs.”

Here’s what the average guy thinks when he’s intimate with his lady:  “Yay!  Boobs!”

Ladies, here’s a little secret the plastic surgeons don’t want you to know:  Guys like boobs no matter what.  If you get breast enhancements, our reaction will be, “Yay! Boobs!”.  If you don’t get breast enhancements, our reaction will be, “Yay!  Boobs!”.

Save your money.

Adopted African Children and Other Celebrity Accessories!
I saw a tabloid at the grocery store yesterday whose cover story was about Selena Gomez being pregnant with Justin “Summer’s Eve” Bieber’s baby.  I don’t know if it’s true or not (and truly don’t care), but the headline and tag got my attention:  “PREGNANT & ALONE – Her Shocking Decision to Raise the Baby by Herself”.

By herself?  Are they serious?

For the moment, let’s assume that Selena is pregnant and is going to be a single mom.  The median income for a single mother family is around $25k.  Selena Gomez is worth about $15 or $20 million dollars.

Yeah… this pregnancy will really stretch her to her limits (pardon the pun) as she has her assistants rearrange her schedule, buy the latest baby fashion clothing, hire the decorators for the new nursery, find the right nanny and hire private doctors.

Deifying celebrities who decide to be single moms and treating them as heroes is absurd.  Thinking any celebrity single mom represents the norm is like saying liberal politicians actually care about poor people.  It’s a fantasy.

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