Looking Back at 2013. Oh… wait.

“And that’s the way it is…” – Walter Cronkite

2013 seemed to be a year of waiting.

Business dropped off sharply at the beginning of the year and still hasn’t recovered. I’m still waiting.

My divorce – a process I began to engineer almost exactly two years ago – still hasn’t finalized. I’m still waiting.

I began looking for a job which still hasn’t materialized. I’m still waiting.

Due to the complications with the divorce, I can’t move forward with another relationship in my life. I’m still waiting.

These are all big things, and for all of them, I still wait.

Why does God choose to make me wait?

Well, first off, I think it shows me that my life is pretty much completely out of my control. We love to think we are the masters of our own destinies. Go get that college education… get that dream job… save for retirement… retire and enjoy the good life. It’s all planned out and everything is on track. Boy, I sure do have things under control, don’t I? Until the money runs out and the degree isn’t earned. Until the company makes cuts and the job disappears in the midst of layoffs. Until the earnings aren’t quite living up to expectations. Until retirement seems like a distant (perhaps unattainable?) dream.

I believe God likes to take care of me. The problem comes when I forget Him and start blazing my own trail, heedless of where that trail might lead. So, God has two choices: Either let me continue on my own trail or put some obstacles in the way so I have to veer off (my) course. Unfortunately, if I still ignore Him I’m most likely going to end up on another trail which isn’t really what is best for me.

God makes me wait so I will become dependent upon Him. What amazes me is that He waits on me to finally do it. Wouldn’t it be so easy for Him to just come up with some way to let me know exactly what He wants? I don’t know… maybe a brand new Xbox One with a note that says “Hope you like the Xbox. Call Bob over at Widgets-R-Us. I set up a job for you.” Or maybe set my Xbox 360 on fire… like the burning bush, but the burning Xbox. That would definitely get my attention.

God, ultimately, is a Gentleman. He won’t force Himself upon me. He wants me to make my own choices and to choose Him of my own free will. Otherwise, there is no love. If He showed up in the midst of a miracle every single time He wanted to say something, we’d be so in awe of Him, we’d have no choice but to obey. And while God wants our obedience, He wants our love first and foremost and He wants the obedience to come from love… not from awe. Actually, we’d end up ignoring the miracles because they’d be common-place… never mind.

So, I’m looking at 2014. I’m tired of waiting.

Maybe I should start seeking God.

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